If you accept the addition of 1-digit numbers, then you can prove how to add any-digit numbers using the "long addition" algorithm from school. The proof comes from a couple of basic facts.
The first is a definition of place-value numbering. What do I mean when I write the number $1234$? Well, in school I was taught that this means "1 thousand plus 2 hundreds plus 3 tens plus 4 ones". In a formula, that is
$$1234 = 1\times 1000 + 2 \times 100 + 3 \times 10 + 4 \times 1$$
Suppose I want to add this to the number $4321$. In full,
$$4321 = 4\times 1000 + 3 \times 100 + 2 \times 10 + 1 \times 1$$
How many thousands do I have? Well, $1+4=5$. How many hundreds? Also $5$. And $5$ tens and $5$ ones. So the answer is $5555$.
This is the essence of the proof when you don't have to do any carrying. It relies on the following facts, which can be justified from first principles.
- Every number has a place-value representation.
- Addition commutes (specifically in the following form):
$$(x_1 + x_2 + \ldots + x_n) + (y_1 + y_2 + \ldots y_n) = (x_1+y_1) + (x_2 + y_2) + \ldots (x_n + y_n)$$
- Addition distributes over multiplication (so that we can say $4 \times 1000 + 1 \times 1000 = (4+1) \times 1000$).
The justification for carrying is essentially the following: $7+9 = 10+6$, so if we are in the $k$ position, we rely on the identity
$$(9+7)\times 10^{k} = (10+6)\times 10^k = 1\times 10^{k+1} + 6 \times 10^k$$
which we call "carrying the 1 to the $k+1$ position". Obviously 9 and 7 in this example can be replaced by any two digits which add to a 2-digit number.
Is this the sort of thing you're looking for? It's possible to give many more details, but it helps to know exactly which parts you want to see in more detail, and what basic justification you would be happy with.
Defining addition
You ask what a "gold standard" definition of addition might be. I interpret your attempted definition in the following way:
Let $m$, $n$ be two natural numbers. Interpret $m$ and $n$ as the cardinality (size) of two disjoint sets of objects, $X$ and $Y$. Remove one object from $Y$ and insert it into $X$. Repeat until $Y$ is empty. Count how many objects are in $X$. This is $m+n$.
That is a perfectly correct definition of $m+n$. Its correctness relies on two properties of natural numbers.
- $m+n = (m+1) + (n-1)$.
- The sequence $n, n-1, n-2, \ldots$ terminates with $0$ (or $1$, depending on whether you consider $0$ to be a natural number).
If you accept those properties, then you have an algorithm. If you don't, you have to go deeper.
Commutativity of addition
It is not obvious from the definition that the familiar fact $n+m = m+n$ is true for all natural numbers $m,n$. It is hopefully obvious when $m=0$. To prove it requires an argument by induction (which will be implicit throughout this answer). There is a good explanation on this answer.
Defining place-value notation
Place-value representation is the key to getting a fast algorithm for adding natural numbers. The definition in terms of "counting objects" does not make it obvious how to represent a given natural number. The only representation it suggests is some kind of tally, where the number we call 5 would be "11111" and 9 would be "111111111".
The idea of place-value representation is to represent a given natural number by a finite string of digits, where the position of the digits is significant. The first ten numbers are given the representations $0, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9$. We define the place-value representation of an arbitrary number by induction, as follows.
Take an arbitrary number $n$ which we already know how to write in the place-value system. Say it has $k$ digits, and label the digits $a_k a_{k-1} \ldots a_{1}$ from left to right. I want to explain how to find the place-value representation of $n+1$.
- If $a_1$ is not $9$, then replace $a_1$ by $a_1+1$ (which is also a digit).
- If $a_1=9$ but $a_2 \ne 9$, replace $a_1$ by $0$ and $a_2$ by $a_2+1$.
- If there exists a number $\ell$, less than $k$, $a_1, a_2, \ldots, a_{\ell-1}$ are all $9$, but $a_\ell \ne 9$, then replace all of $a_1, a_2 \ldots a_{\ell - 1}$ by $0$, and replace $a_\ell$ by $a_\ell + 1$.
- It there is no such $\ell$, then every digit of $n$ is $9$. We say $n+1$ has the representation $10\ldots 000$ (with $k$ zeroes).
It can be proved that the representation is unique.
A different characterisation of place value notation
I want to prove the following theorem (notice the slight change in notation to include $a_0$).
$$a_k a_{k-1} a_{k-2} \ldots a_{0} = \sum_{i=0}^{k} 10^{i} \times a_{i}$$
Obviously even the statement of this theorem requires some notion of multiplication. So let's cover that...
Definition of multiplication
In the same way that $n+m = (n+1) + (m-1)$ gives us a definition of addition, the following gives us a definition of multiplication.
$$n\times m = (n+n) \times (m-1) $$
If you apply this repeatedly $m$ times, then you end up with a natural number which we call $n \times m$.
Commutativity of multiplication
As with addition, this is a standard exercise in induction. There is another answer on this site with a reasonable explanation.
This means we can interpret $m \times n$ either as "$m$ added to itself $n$ times", or "$n$ added to itself $m$ times".
Multiplication distributes over addition
It is another familiar fact that $a \times (b+c) = a \times b + a \times c$. Again, this is a standard exercise (Note that where they say $S(a)$, we would just say $a+1$. They're the same thing.)
Multiplication by 10 and place value
The theorem I said before is now not that hard to prove. Take your number $n = a_{k} a_{k-1} \ldots a_{1} a_{0}$. Then we have
\begin{align*}
n &= a_{0} + a_{1}0 + a_{2}00 + a_{3}000 + \ldots
\end{align*}
Now $a_{0} = (1+1+ \ldots +1)$ (where there are $a_{0}$ ones) by definition.
It is hopefully intuitive that $a_{1}0 = (10 + 10 + \ldots + 10)$. You can prove it by checking the cases $a_{1} = 1,2,3, \ldots 9$ separately.
Similarly for $a_{2}00 = a_{2} \times 100$, and so on. This can be made precise by induction. Hence, we have
$$n = a_{0} \times 1 + a_{1} \times 10 + a_{2} \times 100 + \ldots = \sum_{i=0} a_{i} \times 10^{i}$$