To understand how to choose between Grassmann and Stiefel manifolds, it helps to understand better the difference. In the following I will only look at the case of real vector space $\mathbb{R}^n$. Much information can be found at https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stiefel_manifold and https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Grassmannian.
The Grassmannian $Gr(k,n)$ is the (compact) manifold of all $k$-dimensional linear subspaces in $\mathbb{R}^n$. So the one-dimensional case $k=1$ is real projective space. The Stiefel manifold $V_k(n)$ is (compact) manifold of all (orthogonal) $k$-frames (hereafter we leave out "orthogonal" which is always implied). A $k$-frame is a set of $k$ orthonormal vectors in $\mathbb{R}^n$, so can alternatively be described as the manifold of $n\times k$ column orthogonal matrices.
Let us compare the definitions for a few low-dim cases:
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$Gr(1,n)$ and $V_1(n)$
$Gr(1,n)$ is the set of all line through the origin, while $V_1(n)$ is the set of all unit vectors, so is the unit sphere. To each point in $Gr(1,n)$ there corresponds two (antipodal) unit vectors in $V_1(n)$.
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$Gr(2,n)$ and $V_2(n)$
$Gr(2,n)$ is the set of all 2-planes (through the origin) while $V_2(n)$ is all 2-frames in $\mathbb{R}^n$. To each point in $Gr(2,n)$ (that is, plane) there corresponds in $V_2(n)$ the set of all orthogonal bases for that plane.
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General case
There is a natural projection $p\colon V_r(n) \mapsto Gr(r,n)$ which to each frame in $V_r(n)$ sends it to the plane in $Gr(r,n)$ of which it is a basis. In this way, we can define $Gr(r,n)$ as a quotient space of $V_r(n)$.
What does all this mean for your optimization problem? If you are only interested in linear subspaces, use $Gr(r,n)$, but if how you parametrize the space with an orthogonal basis is important, use the Stiefel manifold.
But, algorithmically, it could be easier to represent a Stiefel manifold, so you can use that but build into the step-finding algorithm that you avoid walking to a new frame which is a basis for the same subspace. See Optimization Algorithms on Matrix Manifolds