Given that your entries are frequencies, and you want to give credit for being "close" to the diagonal, a natural approach is to compute the correlation coefficient between the row and column. That is, suppose your matrix is built as follows: repeatedly generate a pair of numbers $x$ and $y$, and increment the count of the matrix entry at position $(x,y)$. If you think of $x$ and $y$ as samples of random variables $X$ and $Y$ respectively, then the sample correlation coefficient $r$ of $X$ and $Y$ lies between $-1$ and $1$. It is $1$ if $X$ and $Y$ are perfectly correlated, $-1$ if they are perfectly anticorrelated. The point is that $X$ and $Y$ are perfectly correlated (in this case, equal) precisely when the matrix is diagonal, strong correlation means the matrix entries tend to be near the diagonal.
This is robust: the correlation coefficient is unchanged if you scale the matrix (and the formula turns out to make sense even if your entries are nonnegative real numbers).
If you adapt the formulas in the above reference to this situation, they take the following form. Let $A$ be a $d\times d$ matrix; let $j$ be the $d$-long vector of all ones, and let $r=(1,2,\ldots,d)$ and $r_2=(1^2,2^2,\ldots,d^2)$. Then:
$$\begin{align}
n &= j A j^T \textrm{ (the sum of the entries of $A$) }\\
\Sigma x &= r A j^T\\
\Sigma y &= j A r^T\\
\Sigma x^2 &= r_2 A j^T\\
\Sigma y^2 &= j A r_2^T\\
\Sigma xy &= r A r^T\\
r &= \frac{n\, \Sigma xy -\Sigma x\, \Sigma y}{\sqrt{n\, \Sigma x^2 - (\Sigma x)^2}\sqrt{n\, \Sigma y^2 - (\Sigma y)^2}}
\end{align}$$
Some examples:
Diagonal matrix: $\left(
\begin{array}{cccc}
1. & 0. & 0. & 0. \\
0. & 5. & 0. & 0. \\
0. & 0. & 30.5 & 0. \\
0. & 0. & 0. & 3.14159 \\
\end{array}
\right): \quad r=1.000000$
Diagonally dominant matrix: $\left(
\begin{array}{ccc}
6 & 1 & 0 \\
1 & 5 & 2 \\
1 & 3 & 6 \\
\end{array}
\right): \quad r=0.674149$
Uniformly distributed on $[0,1]$: $\left(
\begin{array}{cccc}
0.2624 & 0.558351 & 0.249054 & 0.484223 \\
0.724561 & 0.797153 & 0.689489 & 0.273023 \\
0.462727 & 0.119412 & 0.911981 & 0.636588 \\
0.089544 & 0.160899 & 0.910123 & 0.549202 \\
\end{array}
\right): \quad r=0.233509$
Tridiagonal: $\left(
\begin{array}{ccccc}
2 & 1 & 0 & 0 & 0 \\
1 & 3 & 2 & 0 & 0 \\
0 & 2 & 3 & 4 & 0 \\
0 & 0 & 1 & 2 & 3 \\
0 & 0 & 0 & 1 & 1 \\
\end{array}
\right): \quad r=0.812383$