I am not particularly used to the category theory thinking paradigm and there are certain statements that I am used to making in the set theoretic modelling approach that I would like to characterize in the categorical language. I would simply like feedback from more experimented categoricians on a possible solution to my problem that I have exposed at the end of my comment.
In the context of Sets, when I asked (my supervisor) about how one could express the idea of a subset or of intersection of sets in the category framework, I was refered to equalizers and pullbacks. And of course, the point of working in a category is that up to isomorphism, you can't distinguish objects by their arrows. If we defined ''having an equalizer into ...'' as ''being a subset of ...',' then given a subset X of Y, and any set Z that is isomorphic to X, we would be able to find an equalizer from Z into Y and that would make Z a subset of Y. And that's fine, in the abstract sense.
In the usual set theoretic approach, the labelling of elements allows me to discriminate amongst say, X={1,2} and Z={1,4}, even though they are isomorphic to each other as sets. Now, I can say that X is a subset of Y={1,2,3}, but Z is not a subset of the latter.
The point I'm getting to is that I would like to make the above kind of distinction amongst objects, yet remain as much as possible in the category theory framework. Ideally, I would be able to see this property of having ''actual'' subsets of a set (carried out by finding those sets that have sublabellings of the latter) as an abstract external property on sets as objects of a category (that is, without the need to provide explicit internal labels).
MY QUESTION IS THIS : What kind of structure could I add on top of a category that would allow me to recover the possiblity of distinguishing between subobjects of an object Y that are ''actual'' subobjects of Y as opposed to those that aren't (as in the above example, where X is a subset of Y, but not Z).
My guess is that, given a category C, all I require is a partial order R on objects, that describes the ''actual subobject relations''. Thus, related objects with R(A,B) are required to have at least an equalizer from A into B. Yet, the existence of an equalizer from some A into some B does not necessarily imply R(A,B) (so that we may have copies of A lying around but not necessarily directly subobjects of B).
To put it in a purely categorical language, I think it would be the equivalent of saying that there exists a functor from some poset into the category C in question, that maps morphisms of the poset to equalizers of C. Does that make any sense or is it complete dissonance from my part and misuse of the categorical framework? Also, I might be missing a condition on this ''functor'' that would render the idea correctly, I'm not sure.
I would appreciate any feedback and/or references on the matter.
Thank you